I'm surrounded by strong women. My Mom. My Mother-in-Law. My Wife. My Sister. My Two Sister-in-Laws. Now that I think about it, I have way more women in my family than I do men!
My own Mom stayed home with my sister and me until we were in primary school before starting work as a full-time administrator for a small consulting firm back in the early-90s. She worked so hard that by the mid-2000s, she was selected as an Interim President for a well-known pharmaceutical and biotech consulting firm in the Chicago suburbs. No college degree. Several business mergers. Two well-behaved children and husband (ha!). Travel. Full-time working Mom.
Her message to us was consistent and still is today. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You have choices. Educate yourself and use the tools that are free and right in front of you. She's professional. She's courteous. She's tough. She's a boss. She's now a retired 'softer boss' who enjoys her grandkids and experiencing life to the fullest.
I haven't met many women like my Mom. She knows the value of a dollar - car dealerships no longer peg her as an easy target and often avoid eye contact during negotiation, which she thinks is funny. She asks a lot of detailed questions. And even I start to get restless thinking to myself, why does she need to know this? But, as I've learned, she's always asking with intent.
Three years ago, I met a client just like my Mom. The difference - she wasn't my Mom, and I became aware of everything my Mom had taught me, shaping my adulthood into who I am today. Why is it that others who are not nearly as close to us (like our parents!) always seem to open our eyes to what they wanted us to understand consciously?
This then had me questioning - how do I support my wife, who is just as strong, by helping to teach our daughter from a Dad's point-of-view what they all somehow seem to know instinctively?
As a man, I don't have the same challenges women face. But I want to be able to teach her to take control of her life and make the right decisions. To have the same instincts to protect herself. To be comfortable asking questions and not apologizing for doing so. To not feel the need to make excuses for others who put her at risk.
While I grew up with my Mom engraining this knowledge within me whether I knew it or not, it wasn't until my client consistently demonstrated through her actions that she, and only she, was in control of her future. Here's what she showed me that I can now use with my daughter when the opportunity presents itself:
Details Matter. When it comes to making any kind of investment, do not overlook the detail. Even if the odds are less than .0001% of something unfavorable happening down the line. My client proactively protected herself while working with others as part of the purchasing process. In an email, she realized an item was missing - while not something the other party felt was important, she did. And made sure it was corrected - she didn't make excuses for the other party, didn't apologize for bringing it up - she simply stated the facts, it was addressed, and the deal moved along.
Know When to Walk Away. The PERFECT waterfront property finally went up for sale in the community she desired on the lake. It had everything - all the bells and whistles, updates - amazing waterfront views, a dock - it checked every box. The housing market for buyers was tough at this time. We made a few increases in our bid, and I came up with out-of-the-box ideas that would appeal to any seller, and she was in agreement. While trying to win the deal - the seller demanded more from her. As a Realtor, I'm required to present the information back. Knowing how much she loved this home, I also felt I needed to delicately talk her out of it - the seller was taking advantage of the situation. There was no need for me to 'protect' her - she did so herself. She confidently said no, we've given enough and walked away from the deal. I could tell we both felt like our dream home had been ripped away by our own doing - but she knew when to walk away (thank God) and I was right there to support her.
Never Settle. It may take time to obtain what you desire, especially in the world of real estate. And you need to learn to be okay with knowing it could take more time than expected. Days. Months. Years. Do not give up on what you want - or agree to something of lesser value because you're fearful, or just tired and want to give up. My client never came off her position - she knew what she wanted and knew she would get it when the timing was right. In today's world, that's a hard concept to grasp with instant gratification - but examples like this will only show my daughter what it means to have the intestinal fortitude to keep going.
While I used my construction background to inform and educate my client on the structure of each home, looked for areas of concern not overly apparent but would be down the line, and negotiated a deal that put her in a better position financially with even more perks than the home we placed a bid on earlier (private beach, yes please!), she motivated me to become more engaged in creatively teaching my daughter to own her future.
Bottom line: Don't hesitate to ask tough questions. Don't be apologetic when it's unnecessary. Never settle. Know when to walk away.
In good health,
Dan